I still don't know if/ where we're moving. The process for me to see what options I have is proving to be a slow one, on multiple fronts. We're now at the point where those orders are being selected and compiled for me to choose from though, and I should know more by next week sometime.
That said, things continue at a good speed. For both Trina and I, we're concerned someone will still say no, but it's our metamour, not our original partners. Sarah continues to assure me that she's still wanting all of this for us and for me, and Toby has convinced Trina that he's all in. So...I guess it's actually going to happen? Part of me doesn't believe it, but I continue to act as if it's going to. I really can't wait!
The four of us have made a book club, of sorts, and each week are working through a couple of chapters of More Than Two, including the questions at the end of each chapter. It's forcing all of us to actually communicate a bit more, even if the questions aren't really set up for people who already know what they want that well.
Aside from that, we continue to have varying levels of communication across the group. Toby still has issues in dealing with his LDR...I'll have to come up with a name for his other partner at some point, I'm sure.
I feel bad for Susan in all of this. She was the one who pushed for us to be poly back several years back...hell, more than a decade ago now. I don't think this was at all what she imagined, though...I think she figured either we'd both have other partners or at least that she'd be the one to be splitting her time. And now, she's essentially feeling like she's a short step away from being dropped.
Susan has found a poly therapist here, finally, and while they've only met a few times, I think it's going to end up helping out over the long haul. We'll see. She still has issues that pop up every so often...her most recent one is that she feels uncomfortable when she hears our chat app sound on my phone or my computer, but it's not the group chat. It sparks her anxieties over the fact that we might be saying something or planning something that affects her without her knowledge or permission. I just don't know how to assuage her of that fear, without giving up my own privacy.
A larger concern that she's shared is that she wants to be first in my heart. I'm positive it's something I can't promise, but it's not whether or not I love Trina more. It's more that my love for each of them really is different, and I want to enjoy my relationship with each of them on their own merits. It hurts her though, and I don't know how to heal that pain for her.
I give Susan an absolute ton of credit though. She's being incredibly fair about the situation, far more fair than I think I could ever be, and even more so that she's doing so while sorting through her own fears and anxieties. I think we'll be okay in the long run, that she'll be okay in the long run...we just have to get past this initial set of roadblocks.
