So the week that changed everything, well, changed everything. We're all operating under the assumption that we will be moving in together, whether that's here or in a different state. Obviously, Trina and I are completely on board, but Susan and Toby still have yet to make a definitive yes. We're still discussing as if it will happen however, to air out anything that might be an issue before then.
Oh yeah, and once they all left, Susan's meds kicked into high gear and she tumbled down into a rabbit hole of depression and despair. Oh joy. Essentially, she's always been depressed, and in the last decade or so, I've also watched as her dependence on me grew and grew. We've had multiple discussions about that, to the point where I've been telling her straight out that I can't be everything to her. She is a stay-at-home mom, but doesn't even have volunteering or anything else to get out. I've pointed her in the direction of animal shelters, political organizations, job listings, everything I could think of. Susan runs into a road block and gives up. The local schools don't allow her to volunteer, unlike the ones in California. The animal shelter never returned her calls, the local branch of her political party doesn't do shit, and there's no jobs she feels qualified to perform.
And I get that, I really do...but at the same time, I feel more and more of a burden to be her entertainment, to be her sole support in life...and it gets tiring. She does have family, but that's a mixed blessing.
So when this cropped up, it made her face her fears that my attention would no longer be on her. In her words, it's not the sex that she's concerned about. It's me simply not being there for her. She's concerned about losing tv watching time, or snuggle time, or venting time, or whatever. She's also afraid that I'll simply kick her to the curb as I've "upgraded" to a better model.
All of this would have been bad enough normally, except that where normally she'd be able to work through the crap her head is telling her, the shift in her meds simply wouldn't let her. For about a week and a half straight, she was sobbing on my shoulders at some point during the day. It got to the point where she had to get off the new medicine, and switch to something else...she was starting to have suicidal thoughts.
So she went off completely, even though she was supposed to wean herself off of the med. And it was night and day! We were able to have rational discussions about her fears and anxieties, and give her my reaction to them, and not have her dismiss what I said out of hand.
She went back on a different medicine a couple of days later, and I was afraid that it was a return to the darkness of the previous one - the first day back on meds, there was a discussion with tears about a different anxiety. Thankfully, she balanced out, and since then has been far better. Those anxieties, fears, and insecurities are still there of course, but she's able to shove that dark voice aside and listen to what I'm saying now.
Of course, as soon as she gets back on an even keel, the four of us are chatting via a group text app. Things are going great, and then Trina comes out with "can relationships be a sport?" There was more, but of course Susan and I focused in on that part. It didn't help that the followup was "but I want to win"...Susan had an immediate meltdown. I immediately sent back that the wording and timing was poor, and it was a poor joke overall. I didn't chat again for a few hours, as I talked through Susan's triggered fears of being shoved aside.
Re-reading the message, I realized what Trina was trying to say, that they needed to have someone stand up to them one-on-one. But the first read through looked like Trina was positing a competition between them and Susan...and that was an instant "oh shit".
Once I figured that out, Susan calmed down fairly quickly, but I was still pissed. She actually reached out to Trina to discuss it privately for a while, but it took a while before I came down from the trees. I ended up having a long chat with Trina about it myself, about the fact that I'm putting in a lot of work to smooth things over for them to be able to actually be around me in the future, and on a fairly permanent basis, and then Trina goes and chucks a landmine into the mess. I also did mention that normally, it would have been a fairly innocuous statement, but the situation itself needed more careful thought over word choice.
Through the entire process of that week and a half or so after they all left, Susan realized that what she needed was something she didn't get while they were here; a chance to see us interact, in the same house, with me not sleeping in our own bed, while Susan is "normal". To that end, after discussions over schedules, Susan and I agreed to pay for a flight out for Trina for MLK weekend! We'll still have the guest bedroom upstairs, and that's where I'll be on that Saturday and Sunday night...Trina and I are supposed to visit the city the day they get here, but other than that, there won't be the other distractions...it'll be more of a calm time, hopefully.
That's going to be the final test to see if Susan can handle things. She should be able to, as once her meds cleared up, she was in a much better and happier mood about things. Even at her darkest, she didn't want to say no, and not just because of her fears that she would be the villian. She's always been poly. This is, mostly, what she's always wanted, multiple families living under the same roof as equals. Her fears were that she wouldn't get to experience it at all. There's also the fact that she's currently the only one of us who's attached to only one person. Since she broke up with Ray back years ago now, her attempts at dating have been hit or miss, and mostly miss at that. Even Toby has a long-distance relationship spanning about four and a half years ago now.
So that's where we're at currently. Trina and I communicate fairly consistently, and the four of us remain in regular communication also. Toby has issues he's working through on his end, though he's fairly loathe to speak of them. Susan is fearful, but wants it to work. And Trina and I are overjoyed at the shift in our relationship...they've actually launched headlong into it, now that they've worked through their own misgivings about dating someone in the military again (along with others). I can't wait for January!
Sunday, November 19, 2017
Monday, November 13, 2017
Settle in for a read, folks (Part II)
Wednesday morning was good in a few ways. It felt good to wake up to a normal household after the loss of power the previous couple of days, and there was a sense of normalcy. By this time, any anxiety I felt about having people in the house had bled off (for me at least).
By now, the four of us had already had several discussions over the prospect of us all moving in together. I'm not sure when it was raised, but I do know at one point, the idea went from "if we move" to "no matter if we stay or go", and that felt freeing...it means that there's less of a burden on me to pick orders I wouldn't take otherwise, just to be able to have everyone in the same house.
Wednesday was more of the same; some group, some one-on-one. Trina and I continued to steal quick moments here and there, but didn't really get alone time. I wasn't sure that they wanted it, to be honest, and I was content to take things slower. That was also a pizza night, so I broke out the pizza stone and did up individual pizzas for everyone. I wish our oven got hotter, but what can you do?
At one point Wednesday, Susan came to me for comfort and support, with some crying as her emotions overwhelmed her. Nothing too horrible, but slightly disconcerting, as she hadn't been like this in a long time, especially about poly relationships.
Thursday was our designated "early Thanksgiving", and as soon as I woke up, I hit the kitchen and began prepwork. First came the desserts...a cheesecake and a pumpkin pie! I needed to get those in and done so that they could chill in time for dinner. I also made a chart of everything I planned on making, so that I didn't forget anything. It only takes one year of forgetting the rolls and the deviled eggs to make you give yourself a reminder!
The rest of the dinner prep went smoothly; I got Trina to help with a few things, and even stayed ahead of the dishes for the most part. The turkey went in a touch later than I had intended, and ended up needing to be cranked up to complete, but it turned out delicious as well. Overall, dinner was a success. It also means that I'm only going to do a few things for Thanksgiving proper, in a few weeks, since we just had the full deal. I might do cornish game hens, instead.
Thursday evening, and at the request of Trina, I broke out the violet wand. They'd gotten a small taste of it...Saturday night? Before the outage, at any rate, because they wanted another shot at it. So the two of us headed down to my bedroom, shortly followed by Susan and Toby. In the end, well all got plenty of entertainment over the violet wand's reverse function. Don't remember what it's called, but basically it's an extension that the recipient either grabs onto or has tied into place against their skin. It doesn't cause shock by itself, but anyone else who touches that person will end up zapping them...think static electricity, writ kinda large.
Eventually though, we turned it off and laid down across the bed. I was on the end, Trina on the inside of me, then Toby and finally Susan on the far side. It didn't take long for Trina and I to start kissing and groping each other. Mildly, and clothes were still on, but still. Susan tried making out with Toby for a minute, and I saw her eyes peek over his body, but within just a few minutes, she left to go use the bathroom.
Susan did tell this to Toby, but kept her voice down, specifically so it wouldn't interrupt us. Yeeeah, okay. When she came back, she gathered her things, told us that she didn't mind, but that she just couldn't handle watching it at that moment. She also mentioned the fact that she knew that Trina and I hadn't had any chance to be alone, so she was giving us space.
I was torn between going after her to speak to her, or taking her at her word and staying. Trina just looked over at Toby, who'd remained quiet throughout all of this, and said, "I don't know how to say this politely, but could you give us some space as well?"
They have a different relationship than Susan and I do (well, doesn't everyone?) But I could never have said that to Susan...I felt bad for Toby. Buuuut, there was Trina right there, and we *did* have time to spend alone together now...
So we talked. We talked about things we hadn't had the chance to yet, and they revealed that they'd been going out of their mind with the fact that the two of us hadn't had that chance for alone time. I don't know if it's a self-esteem issue, or what, but I almost couldn't believe it. The clothes stayed on, and we didn't really do that much more kissing, but we did enjoy the chance to be close and alone together. A couple of hours later, both Susan and Toby showed back up, within the space of about five minutes of each other. We all talked together; Susan had composed herself and cleared the air...turns out she really had meant what she said! By this time, though, it was nearly 1am, and both of them were getting sleepy. Trina and Toby headed off to the guest bedroom, and Susan and I ended up staying awake until nearly 3am talking...and more, of course.
One of the things Trina and I discussed, and then I confirmed with Susan afterwards, was the desire to spend an evening out together. The next morning, after I finally surfaced and woke up, I did some digging. I found an Escape Room in the city, about 40 minutes away. I'd never done one, but I knew Susan wouldn't really be interested in them based upon prior conversations. So I pitched it to Trina, trying to tell them what it was about. At that point, Trina didn't care, so early in the evening we packed ourselves off to downtown. We found a coffee house, got Trina some caffeine so they didn't pass out on me, and played some Scrabble while waiting for the next opening for the escape room.
The rest of the evening was a blast...we found the place without much difficulty (better signs though people, come on!) and we both enjoyed the game immensely. Trina liked it even more once they figured out what the game actually was! We missed solving the puzzle in time by less than a minute, but we did solve everything and didn't have to be let out, so yay!
Unfortunately, by the time it was over, the rest of downtown was shutting down. Our area also lacks places to go just wander around, so we headed back home. Once we got back, we both checked in with our respective partners, then headed out to the couch out in the living room to just enjoy more alone time together.
Through our discussions Thursday night and Friday, the two of us realized that we each cared for the other far more than we realized. In Trina's words, they had been prepared to mourn the loss of our friendship when we moved away. Even coming out here, Trina just wasn't sure what to expect, and neither was I.
Trina had many hangups about me through the years. Rereading my own journal here reminded me of a few of them, but there were some that never got written down. I don't know why, but all of her hangups regarding me have mostly resolved themselves. They're still there, of course, but they don't seem to matter as much any more.
Trina also told me that they were starting to embrace their queer side. We had a couple of discussions over what that meant, as far as Trina alone and then the two of us together. Pronouns are an issue for Trina, as "she, her, hers" has never felt right. There's not a specific pronoun or set of pronouns that are desired over any other, but I find it far more comfortable to use the singular "they" (as you've seen here the last couple of posts) than any of the other non-binary pronouns that have surfaced over the years. They're also willing to be understanding, and to let me (and Susan as well)...practice? without fear of fucking it up. It's hard, but Susan and I are both catching ourselves, and correcting ourselves, and trying to make it work in our own heads.
We also discussed Trina's (current) unwillingness to use any kind of hormone therapy. I'll be honest, and I told them this; I can handle Trina embracing their...androgyny, semi-masculinity, whatever they want to call it. I will support Trina in whatever they do, but I'm not sure that I could be intimate with someone undergoing hormone therapy, or permanent gender reassignment. That's on me...I am very much cis-male, and very hetero...and there's lines that I don't think I can cross for myself. Trina likened hormone treatment to a second puberty, and since the first was a bitch enough for them, there's no foreseeable plans to formally try for that. I can deal with that.
Saturday morning and early afternoon was spent outside. The four of us traipsed outside, where Trina and Toby built a firepit, and then the three of us built a fire (Susan watched and cheered us on). While we were doing this, the four of us also discussed the prospect of moving in with each other, regardless of location, and what that would mean for all of us, including the kids.
We also covered a lot of ground as far as jealousies, expectations, who's going to be the ones actually househunting (Susan and Trina), and I got Toby to open up a bit about his side of the story. Essentially, at least from his words, he doesn't mind the thought of losing time with Trina to me, because he needs a lot more alone time than what he currently gets. Trina's take was that it'd be almost a relief for him to have Trina able to have someone else to pester!
He does also have another relationship, a long-distance one. He entered into it about the same time Trina and I first met, but since he left the service and moved away from his base, he's never has a chance to see her since. There's a lot there that's been left unsaid for now, but he is dealing with his own set of "what's fair" there - the fact that he's seriously talking about moving in with his partner's partner, when he hasn't been able to see his other partner at all in nearly four years.
It's tough. I feel for him, and I feel for Susan. On the plus side, we're all friendly with each other even outside of the relationship Trina and I have started to expand upon, and we all genuinely like being around each other. The week that was worked as kind of a test-run for living together, and through all of the disturbances, through all of the shifts, we all still feel like it's a good idea. An old saying exists, that says "Fish and house guests start to smell after three days"...well, not these guests....they're family!
Their departure was set for the evening, so in mid-afternoon, the four of us and their son bundled off into my car to take them back to the airport. Not much of substance was said on the way out, but it was one time I was thankful for a long drive. Again, due to the traffic at the airport, we didn't have the chance for a long goodbye...probably just as well. Before I knew it, they had disappeared inside, and I was weaving back into traffic to come home.
By now, the four of us had already had several discussions over the prospect of us all moving in together. I'm not sure when it was raised, but I do know at one point, the idea went from "if we move" to "no matter if we stay or go", and that felt freeing...it means that there's less of a burden on me to pick orders I wouldn't take otherwise, just to be able to have everyone in the same house.
Wednesday was more of the same; some group, some one-on-one. Trina and I continued to steal quick moments here and there, but didn't really get alone time. I wasn't sure that they wanted it, to be honest, and I was content to take things slower. That was also a pizza night, so I broke out the pizza stone and did up individual pizzas for everyone. I wish our oven got hotter, but what can you do?
At one point Wednesday, Susan came to me for comfort and support, with some crying as her emotions overwhelmed her. Nothing too horrible, but slightly disconcerting, as she hadn't been like this in a long time, especially about poly relationships.
Thursday was our designated "early Thanksgiving", and as soon as I woke up, I hit the kitchen and began prepwork. First came the desserts...a cheesecake and a pumpkin pie! I needed to get those in and done so that they could chill in time for dinner. I also made a chart of everything I planned on making, so that I didn't forget anything. It only takes one year of forgetting the rolls and the deviled eggs to make you give yourself a reminder!
The rest of the dinner prep went smoothly; I got Trina to help with a few things, and even stayed ahead of the dishes for the most part. The turkey went in a touch later than I had intended, and ended up needing to be cranked up to complete, but it turned out delicious as well. Overall, dinner was a success. It also means that I'm only going to do a few things for Thanksgiving proper, in a few weeks, since we just had the full deal. I might do cornish game hens, instead.
Thursday evening, and at the request of Trina, I broke out the violet wand. They'd gotten a small taste of it...Saturday night? Before the outage, at any rate, because they wanted another shot at it. So the two of us headed down to my bedroom, shortly followed by Susan and Toby. In the end, well all got plenty of entertainment over the violet wand's reverse function. Don't remember what it's called, but basically it's an extension that the recipient either grabs onto or has tied into place against their skin. It doesn't cause shock by itself, but anyone else who touches that person will end up zapping them...think static electricity, writ kinda large.
Eventually though, we turned it off and laid down across the bed. I was on the end, Trina on the inside of me, then Toby and finally Susan on the far side. It didn't take long for Trina and I to start kissing and groping each other. Mildly, and clothes were still on, but still. Susan tried making out with Toby for a minute, and I saw her eyes peek over his body, but within just a few minutes, she left to go use the bathroom.
Susan did tell this to Toby, but kept her voice down, specifically so it wouldn't interrupt us. Yeeeah, okay. When she came back, she gathered her things, told us that she didn't mind, but that she just couldn't handle watching it at that moment. She also mentioned the fact that she knew that Trina and I hadn't had any chance to be alone, so she was giving us space.
I was torn between going after her to speak to her, or taking her at her word and staying. Trina just looked over at Toby, who'd remained quiet throughout all of this, and said, "I don't know how to say this politely, but could you give us some space as well?"
They have a different relationship than Susan and I do (well, doesn't everyone?) But I could never have said that to Susan...I felt bad for Toby. Buuuut, there was Trina right there, and we *did* have time to spend alone together now...
So we talked. We talked about things we hadn't had the chance to yet, and they revealed that they'd been going out of their mind with the fact that the two of us hadn't had that chance for alone time. I don't know if it's a self-esteem issue, or what, but I almost couldn't believe it. The clothes stayed on, and we didn't really do that much more kissing, but we did enjoy the chance to be close and alone together. A couple of hours later, both Susan and Toby showed back up, within the space of about five minutes of each other. We all talked together; Susan had composed herself and cleared the air...turns out she really had meant what she said! By this time, though, it was nearly 1am, and both of them were getting sleepy. Trina and Toby headed off to the guest bedroom, and Susan and I ended up staying awake until nearly 3am talking...and more, of course.
One of the things Trina and I discussed, and then I confirmed with Susan afterwards, was the desire to spend an evening out together. The next morning, after I finally surfaced and woke up, I did some digging. I found an Escape Room in the city, about 40 minutes away. I'd never done one, but I knew Susan wouldn't really be interested in them based upon prior conversations. So I pitched it to Trina, trying to tell them what it was about. At that point, Trina didn't care, so early in the evening we packed ourselves off to downtown. We found a coffee house, got Trina some caffeine so they didn't pass out on me, and played some Scrabble while waiting for the next opening for the escape room.
The rest of the evening was a blast...we found the place without much difficulty (better signs though people, come on!) and we both enjoyed the game immensely. Trina liked it even more once they figured out what the game actually was! We missed solving the puzzle in time by less than a minute, but we did solve everything and didn't have to be let out, so yay!
Unfortunately, by the time it was over, the rest of downtown was shutting down. Our area also lacks places to go just wander around, so we headed back home. Once we got back, we both checked in with our respective partners, then headed out to the couch out in the living room to just enjoy more alone time together.
Through our discussions Thursday night and Friday, the two of us realized that we each cared for the other far more than we realized. In Trina's words, they had been prepared to mourn the loss of our friendship when we moved away. Even coming out here, Trina just wasn't sure what to expect, and neither was I.
Trina had many hangups about me through the years. Rereading my own journal here reminded me of a few of them, but there were some that never got written down. I don't know why, but all of her hangups regarding me have mostly resolved themselves. They're still there, of course, but they don't seem to matter as much any more.
Trina also told me that they were starting to embrace their queer side. We had a couple of discussions over what that meant, as far as Trina alone and then the two of us together. Pronouns are an issue for Trina, as "she, her, hers" has never felt right. There's not a specific pronoun or set of pronouns that are desired over any other, but I find it far more comfortable to use the singular "they" (as you've seen here the last couple of posts) than any of the other non-binary pronouns that have surfaced over the years. They're also willing to be understanding, and to let me (and Susan as well)...practice? without fear of fucking it up. It's hard, but Susan and I are both catching ourselves, and correcting ourselves, and trying to make it work in our own heads.
We also discussed Trina's (current) unwillingness to use any kind of hormone therapy. I'll be honest, and I told them this; I can handle Trina embracing their...androgyny, semi-masculinity, whatever they want to call it. I will support Trina in whatever they do, but I'm not sure that I could be intimate with someone undergoing hormone therapy, or permanent gender reassignment. That's on me...I am very much cis-male, and very hetero...and there's lines that I don't think I can cross for myself. Trina likened hormone treatment to a second puberty, and since the first was a bitch enough for them, there's no foreseeable plans to formally try for that. I can deal with that.
Saturday morning and early afternoon was spent outside. The four of us traipsed outside, where Trina and Toby built a firepit, and then the three of us built a fire (Susan watched and cheered us on). While we were doing this, the four of us also discussed the prospect of moving in with each other, regardless of location, and what that would mean for all of us, including the kids.
We also covered a lot of ground as far as jealousies, expectations, who's going to be the ones actually househunting (Susan and Trina), and I got Toby to open up a bit about his side of the story. Essentially, at least from his words, he doesn't mind the thought of losing time with Trina to me, because he needs a lot more alone time than what he currently gets. Trina's take was that it'd be almost a relief for him to have Trina able to have someone else to pester!
He does also have another relationship, a long-distance one. He entered into it about the same time Trina and I first met, but since he left the service and moved away from his base, he's never has a chance to see her since. There's a lot there that's been left unsaid for now, but he is dealing with his own set of "what's fair" there - the fact that he's seriously talking about moving in with his partner's partner, when he hasn't been able to see his other partner at all in nearly four years.
It's tough. I feel for him, and I feel for Susan. On the plus side, we're all friendly with each other even outside of the relationship Trina and I have started to expand upon, and we all genuinely like being around each other. The week that was worked as kind of a test-run for living together, and through all of the disturbances, through all of the shifts, we all still feel like it's a good idea. An old saying exists, that says "Fish and house guests start to smell after three days"...well, not these guests....they're family!
Their departure was set for the evening, so in mid-afternoon, the four of us and their son bundled off into my car to take them back to the airport. Not much of substance was said on the way out, but it was one time I was thankful for a long drive. Again, due to the traffic at the airport, we didn't have the chance for a long goodbye...probably just as well. Before I knew it, they had disappeared inside, and I was weaving back into traffic to come home.
Thursday, November 9, 2017
Settle in for a read, folks.
Almost two weeks ago, Trina, Toby, and their son came out for a week - a full week, to visit us. I picked them up on Saturday morning from the airport, a couple of hours away. Due to the nature of this particular airport, all I could really do was swing through the curb-side pickup and do a race car pit-crew kind of greeting. "Hi! Now get in the car before everyone behind us crushes us." I'm sure they wouldn't have, but it did feel a bit rushed.
No matter, we came home and as soon as our own munchkin got back from gymnastics, she and their son got along mostly fine. A couple of false starts, but overall much better than in prior visits to either house. I'm actually kind of proud of her for doing as well as she did, under some less-than-optimal circumstances. More on those in a minute...
I'm a cook. Not by profession (anymore, at least), but I'm the cook in the household. I also hadn't seen any of them in over a year, so I was feeling a bit anxious. What to do? Cook! First evening's meal was about as close to mongolian BBQ style stir-fry as I'll ever get. That did mean a lot of prep-work - some of which I'd done prior, some of which had to be done that day. It did keep my hands busy, and allowed me to talk without feeling too awkward. Toby played around with the pool table, and both of them napped for at least a little bit here and there after the red-eye flight from the other coast.
Sunday morning was church day. Trina and Toby both go to UU churches wherever they happen to be, and while I'm not religious in the least, Susan is at least somewhat spiritual. So she offered to take anyone who wanted to go out to church. I wasn't going - friendship and relationships will get me to stretch what I'm willing to do, but not that far. Toby bowed out, and with him out of the equation, neither of the younger kids felt like going. Our older one, of course, wasn't doing anything that took away from her computer time.
Toby and I realized while they were gone that this was very possibly the first time that Susan and Trina had been alone together - anywhere. At the very least, one kid or the other was around, if not either Toby or I. We played pool while they were out, then the kids got onto the Wii and messed around with that some. The intent of the morning was that as soon as they got done, they'd let me know so I could start food. So, when I got a text saying "Service is over, we're on our way out. Stopping by the store real quick for coffee and a couple of things and we'll be right home", I took that at face value.
The menu for the morning was eggs benedict + tomato slices, along with roasted white asparagus. I had everything mostly prepped and ready, so I waited a bit just to make sure things would be ready on time. After what I thought was enough time had passed, I started cooking. Asparagus in the oven, check. English muffins sliced and ready to be toasted, check. Tomatoes sliced, check. Water was on for the poached eggs, and the only other thing to do was the hollandaise sauce.
I waited a bit more, then started making that. We have a double boiler that doesn't get much use, but it's prefect for this. I've made hollandaise once before, and that took me two attempts to get right, so I was trying to be as careful as I could this time. Long story short, I got it done, but then time continued to pass and no Susan or Trina. Of course, the sauce broke, and right at that time, Susan called - to say that they were just then leaving church. The two had gotten sidetracked by conversation and architecture.
I was aggravated, mostly by the poor communication, but held it in, mostly. They eventually got home, right about the time my second crack at the sauce was failing miserably. Poached eggs came out wonderfully, everything else was good, but the sauce refused to work. I gave it a third try and almost immediately got scrambled eggs. I gave up in disgust, and was kind of pissed for a little while. We all ate though, and eventually I ramped up out of my funk.
I'd warned everyone the prior evening that I was going to subject everyone to football (my team was playing on the night game), but that I'd offer salt-and-pepper wings in compensation. Of course, I'd forgotten to get them thawed before, so I had to do a rush job during the course of the day to get them workable. Oh, and they were full wings, not broken down yet. And had feathers still attached in way too many places...yeah, wasn't happy about those either!
I did eventually get about half of them segmented, and started frying. Of course, a storm was rolling into the area, and it was a bad one. The wind and rain picked up enough outside that I was worried that I wouldn't be able to finish, so I cut it short at a half-batch, ensured the kids got food, and finished up the wings. The TV upstairs was on the fritz after a couple of extremely quick power outages, so I went to the downstairs to eat and try to watch the game. By this time, it was already into the 3rd quarter. I got to finish my own wings, and watch a couple of series, but before the end of the third quarter, the power went out completely.
We got the kids taken care of and settled in, then we all traipsed down to our king-size bed downstairs for a cuddle/ talk pile. None of us were worried about the power, thinking it'd be up by morning. Yeeeeah...about that...
Monday dawned with no power. Not only that, no water! We've lost power before, but for whatever reason, our water has never been affected. This loss must have hit us at the wrong time, because it wasn't too long before the kids were complaining about not being able to flush the toilet. I ended up popping the cover from our pool, which had been closed for the winter, and filling up a couple of buckets for flushing use. A check of the power company's website had 5pm for Monday as an early estimate, which didn't take too long to shift to 5pm on Tuesday.
Eventually, Trina and I, both wanting showers, headed towards my base to use the showers at our gym. On our way back, we stopped at the store and snagged a bunch of jugs of water and a couple of non-perishable things for foods. That evening, I used what daylight was left to grill the remainder of the non-prepped wings, along with assorted root veggies. Came out pretty good, and used up what would have gone bad anyways.
The kids were rambunctious for a while, but eventually figured out how to play together with non-technology related toys, so they did alright. I was amazed that by 8pm, all three of the kids went to bed voluntarily. They were bored.
The rest of us had another cuddle pile. Between the three days up to that point, we discussed that rather than straight retiring by 2020 like I'd originally planned, I was putting in my paperwork to see what options I had to change commands. Given the right opportunity, the plan is now to transfer commands and take on some new roles that I haven't had a chance to do yet. Alternately, if I get shitty choices for new jobs, I can still retire. If we moved though, the request would be to move during next spring/ summer, so our older kid at least gets her final three years at one high school, rather than splitting her school directly in half.
Along with that, Susan and I had previously discussed inviting Trina, Toby, and their son to move in with us, and even to buy into whatever property we ended up living in. Complicated, messy, but doable. Neither of were sure at all that they'd accept, but we had several discussions between just the two of us before they came out. Cut to the first three days of their visit, and we discussed, as a group, my intentions and then out of nowhere came "So, want to move in with us if we do move?" I was floored when they almost instantly agreed! No hesitation, no "we need to talk about it before we say one way or the other"...we all did recognize there'd be way more discussion over it. And over the next few days, we did discuss it.
So, with nothing else to do on Monday night, we discussed it some more, and realized that even if we stayed where we are, we have a house big enough to fit everyone. Some relationship stuff got discussed between the four of us, but before too long, we split up for our own beds and sleep.
Tuesday was Halloween, and we weren't sure what we were going to do for trick-or-treating. The entire region was without power, including the neighborhood we drove out to last year. Everyone was also starting to get a little bit of cabin fever, so I found a place about an hour or so away that had a small hands-on science museum for the kids. I used the burner on the grill to make eggs, since they needed to be used up, along with boiled water for instant coffee for Trina and Toby, who both need caffeine. We dressed the kids up in their costumes, along with Susan and Trina in parts of theirs, and took off.
While we were there, Susan found out that the restaurant by our place was doing a "trunk-or-treating" due to the power outage. Good enough for me! We all had a good day out, then rushed back to get the last costume pieces for those dressing up, and take off again. Susan had gotten a call from the power company to say that power should be on by 8am Wednesday. Not great news, but better than some in the area who stayed without power til Friday. We got home, and we already had power! By looking at the stove clock, Susan had actually been called about 20 minutes after our power came on. Works for me! So, without further ado, we took off and had the quickest trick-or-treating of my life...makes a difference when you can complete a parking lot circuit in about fifteen minutes.
We came back home, had pasta, and I started attacking the absolutely massive pile of dishes from the last few days. At some point, Susan reached out to me for some extra reassurance...I thought she was okay afterwards, but it turned out her new medications were about to play absolute havoc with her mind. During our (by now nightly) cuddle pile, Susan ended up getting overwhelmed by everything, and starting leaking from the eyes. Eventually, the other two went up to their bed, and Susan thought it was because they didn't want to be around her being emotional. Really, it was just that everyone was tired as hell...the four of us were awake til after 1am down in the cuddle pile, and then Susan and I stayed up another couple of hours talking through her insecurities and emotions.
Part two coming later...
No matter, we came home and as soon as our own munchkin got back from gymnastics, she and their son got along mostly fine. A couple of false starts, but overall much better than in prior visits to either house. I'm actually kind of proud of her for doing as well as she did, under some less-than-optimal circumstances. More on those in a minute...
I'm a cook. Not by profession (anymore, at least), but I'm the cook in the household. I also hadn't seen any of them in over a year, so I was feeling a bit anxious. What to do? Cook! First evening's meal was about as close to mongolian BBQ style stir-fry as I'll ever get. That did mean a lot of prep-work - some of which I'd done prior, some of which had to be done that day. It did keep my hands busy, and allowed me to talk without feeling too awkward. Toby played around with the pool table, and both of them napped for at least a little bit here and there after the red-eye flight from the other coast.
Sunday morning was church day. Trina and Toby both go to UU churches wherever they happen to be, and while I'm not religious in the least, Susan is at least somewhat spiritual. So she offered to take anyone who wanted to go out to church. I wasn't going - friendship and relationships will get me to stretch what I'm willing to do, but not that far. Toby bowed out, and with him out of the equation, neither of the younger kids felt like going. Our older one, of course, wasn't doing anything that took away from her computer time.
Toby and I realized while they were gone that this was very possibly the first time that Susan and Trina had been alone together - anywhere. At the very least, one kid or the other was around, if not either Toby or I. We played pool while they were out, then the kids got onto the Wii and messed around with that some. The intent of the morning was that as soon as they got done, they'd let me know so I could start food. So, when I got a text saying "Service is over, we're on our way out. Stopping by the store real quick for coffee and a couple of things and we'll be right home", I took that at face value.
The menu for the morning was eggs benedict + tomato slices, along with roasted white asparagus. I had everything mostly prepped and ready, so I waited a bit just to make sure things would be ready on time. After what I thought was enough time had passed, I started cooking. Asparagus in the oven, check. English muffins sliced and ready to be toasted, check. Tomatoes sliced, check. Water was on for the poached eggs, and the only other thing to do was the hollandaise sauce.
I waited a bit more, then started making that. We have a double boiler that doesn't get much use, but it's prefect for this. I've made hollandaise once before, and that took me two attempts to get right, so I was trying to be as careful as I could this time. Long story short, I got it done, but then time continued to pass and no Susan or Trina. Of course, the sauce broke, and right at that time, Susan called - to say that they were just then leaving church. The two had gotten sidetracked by conversation and architecture.
I was aggravated, mostly by the poor communication, but held it in, mostly. They eventually got home, right about the time my second crack at the sauce was failing miserably. Poached eggs came out wonderfully, everything else was good, but the sauce refused to work. I gave it a third try and almost immediately got scrambled eggs. I gave up in disgust, and was kind of pissed for a little while. We all ate though, and eventually I ramped up out of my funk.
I'd warned everyone the prior evening that I was going to subject everyone to football (my team was playing on the night game), but that I'd offer salt-and-pepper wings in compensation. Of course, I'd forgotten to get them thawed before, so I had to do a rush job during the course of the day to get them workable. Oh, and they were full wings, not broken down yet. And had feathers still attached in way too many places...yeah, wasn't happy about those either!
I did eventually get about half of them segmented, and started frying. Of course, a storm was rolling into the area, and it was a bad one. The wind and rain picked up enough outside that I was worried that I wouldn't be able to finish, so I cut it short at a half-batch, ensured the kids got food, and finished up the wings. The TV upstairs was on the fritz after a couple of extremely quick power outages, so I went to the downstairs to eat and try to watch the game. By this time, it was already into the 3rd quarter. I got to finish my own wings, and watch a couple of series, but before the end of the third quarter, the power went out completely.
We got the kids taken care of and settled in, then we all traipsed down to our king-size bed downstairs for a cuddle/ talk pile. None of us were worried about the power, thinking it'd be up by morning. Yeeeeah...about that...
Monday dawned with no power. Not only that, no water! We've lost power before, but for whatever reason, our water has never been affected. This loss must have hit us at the wrong time, because it wasn't too long before the kids were complaining about not being able to flush the toilet. I ended up popping the cover from our pool, which had been closed for the winter, and filling up a couple of buckets for flushing use. A check of the power company's website had 5pm for Monday as an early estimate, which didn't take too long to shift to 5pm on Tuesday.
Eventually, Trina and I, both wanting showers, headed towards my base to use the showers at our gym. On our way back, we stopped at the store and snagged a bunch of jugs of water and a couple of non-perishable things for foods. That evening, I used what daylight was left to grill the remainder of the non-prepped wings, along with assorted root veggies. Came out pretty good, and used up what would have gone bad anyways.
The kids were rambunctious for a while, but eventually figured out how to play together with non-technology related toys, so they did alright. I was amazed that by 8pm, all three of the kids went to bed voluntarily. They were bored.
The rest of us had another cuddle pile. Between the three days up to that point, we discussed that rather than straight retiring by 2020 like I'd originally planned, I was putting in my paperwork to see what options I had to change commands. Given the right opportunity, the plan is now to transfer commands and take on some new roles that I haven't had a chance to do yet. Alternately, if I get shitty choices for new jobs, I can still retire. If we moved though, the request would be to move during next spring/ summer, so our older kid at least gets her final three years at one high school, rather than splitting her school directly in half.
Along with that, Susan and I had previously discussed inviting Trina, Toby, and their son to move in with us, and even to buy into whatever property we ended up living in. Complicated, messy, but doable. Neither of were sure at all that they'd accept, but we had several discussions between just the two of us before they came out. Cut to the first three days of their visit, and we discussed, as a group, my intentions and then out of nowhere came "So, want to move in with us if we do move?" I was floored when they almost instantly agreed! No hesitation, no "we need to talk about it before we say one way or the other"...we all did recognize there'd be way more discussion over it. And over the next few days, we did discuss it.
So, with nothing else to do on Monday night, we discussed it some more, and realized that even if we stayed where we are, we have a house big enough to fit everyone. Some relationship stuff got discussed between the four of us, but before too long, we split up for our own beds and sleep.
Tuesday was Halloween, and we weren't sure what we were going to do for trick-or-treating. The entire region was without power, including the neighborhood we drove out to last year. Everyone was also starting to get a little bit of cabin fever, so I found a place about an hour or so away that had a small hands-on science museum for the kids. I used the burner on the grill to make eggs, since they needed to be used up, along with boiled water for instant coffee for Trina and Toby, who both need caffeine. We dressed the kids up in their costumes, along with Susan and Trina in parts of theirs, and took off.
While we were there, Susan found out that the restaurant by our place was doing a "trunk-or-treating" due to the power outage. Good enough for me! We all had a good day out, then rushed back to get the last costume pieces for those dressing up, and take off again. Susan had gotten a call from the power company to say that power should be on by 8am Wednesday. Not great news, but better than some in the area who stayed without power til Friday. We got home, and we already had power! By looking at the stove clock, Susan had actually been called about 20 minutes after our power came on. Works for me! So, without further ado, we took off and had the quickest trick-or-treating of my life...makes a difference when you can complete a parking lot circuit in about fifteen minutes.
We came back home, had pasta, and I started attacking the absolutely massive pile of dishes from the last few days. At some point, Susan reached out to me for some extra reassurance...I thought she was okay afterwards, but it turned out her new medications were about to play absolute havoc with her mind. During our (by now nightly) cuddle pile, Susan ended up getting overwhelmed by everything, and starting leaking from the eyes. Eventually, the other two went up to their bed, and Susan thought it was because they didn't want to be around her being emotional. Really, it was just that everyone was tired as hell...the four of us were awake til after 1am down in the cuddle pile, and then Susan and I stayed up another couple of hours talking through her insecurities and emotions.
Part two coming later...
Sunday, November 5, 2017
Necro-blog is Awake Again
Short version of the time from previous post until fairly recently:
1) Previous poly-ness of our marriage faded back to being mostly monogamous, with the exception of 4) below. Not due to any particular decision, more that neither one of us could find anyone else we wanted to date.
2) We moved. We lived out in San Diego, where I would have thought that there'd have been enough jobs available to allow me to snag one. But no; the Navy said "thou shalt not stay here". We ended up profiting off the house, but moved to the Northeast in an area I wasn't particularly happy to be moving to.
3) Susan and I moved into an absolutely huge house, out in a rural part of the state, over a half-hour away from my base. The upstairs is the main living area, an office, a dining room that's really about two rooms in one, three bedrooms (including technically a master), and a full bath. The downstairs, while not as many rooms, contains another office/den area, a laundry room, a full bath, and another huge room that the previous owners split via curtains into two bedrooms. This room quickly became our true master bedroom.
There are downsides (had a mouse problem for a while, have also had a garden snake appear from behind the heater last summer). But...in a lot of ways, the house works for us.
4) Trina didn't particularly take our move well. They* dealt with it, but it wasn't just myself and Susan who didn't like the thought of us having to move. Neither one of us thought we'd be able to see each other, on more than short visits, for the next several years.
Our relationship, while mostly platonic, still had hints of that "something more". We still continued to go to each others' houses for game nights, and I continued to sleep in bed with both Trina and Toby, but for a variety of reasons, nothing more happened between us.
We had a decent number of talks over why this was so, usually during hikes and other trips we took with just the two of us. It always felt like we were waiting on the other shoe to drop. And then I left.
5) Trina and Toby moved. He got out of the reserves, and now works as a government contractor in the Pacific Northwest. With our sudden absence, and a desire to be closer to family for both of them, San Diego just didn't really fit their needs any more.
6) Most of a year passed, and we continued to keep in contact. Not just Trina and I, but the four of us, through a private Discord channel. It didn't take too long for the thought of a week-long trip for them to fly out and see us to surface, and by summer-time, it had been confirmed that they'd be out here for the week of Halloween.
7) The trip happened...and holy shit. About a year got packed into that week...and that gets addressed in the next post.
1) Previous poly-ness of our marriage faded back to being mostly monogamous, with the exception of 4) below. Not due to any particular decision, more that neither one of us could find anyone else we wanted to date.
2) We moved. We lived out in San Diego, where I would have thought that there'd have been enough jobs available to allow me to snag one. But no; the Navy said "thou shalt not stay here". We ended up profiting off the house, but moved to the Northeast in an area I wasn't particularly happy to be moving to.
3) Susan and I moved into an absolutely huge house, out in a rural part of the state, over a half-hour away from my base. The upstairs is the main living area, an office, a dining room that's really about two rooms in one, three bedrooms (including technically a master), and a full bath. The downstairs, while not as many rooms, contains another office/den area, a laundry room, a full bath, and another huge room that the previous owners split via curtains into two bedrooms. This room quickly became our true master bedroom.
There are downsides (had a mouse problem for a while, have also had a garden snake appear from behind the heater last summer). But...in a lot of ways, the house works for us.
4) Trina didn't particularly take our move well. They* dealt with it, but it wasn't just myself and Susan who didn't like the thought of us having to move. Neither one of us thought we'd be able to see each other, on more than short visits, for the next several years.
Our relationship, while mostly platonic, still had hints of that "something more". We still continued to go to each others' houses for game nights, and I continued to sleep in bed with both Trina and Toby, but for a variety of reasons, nothing more happened between us.
We had a decent number of talks over why this was so, usually during hikes and other trips we took with just the two of us. It always felt like we were waiting on the other shoe to drop. And then I left.
5) Trina and Toby moved. He got out of the reserves, and now works as a government contractor in the Pacific Northwest. With our sudden absence, and a desire to be closer to family for both of them, San Diego just didn't really fit their needs any more.
6) Most of a year passed, and we continued to keep in contact. Not just Trina and I, but the four of us, through a private Discord channel. It didn't take too long for the thought of a week-long trip for them to fly out and see us to surface, and by summer-time, it had been confirmed that they'd be out here for the week of Halloween.
7) The trip happened...and holy shit. About a year got packed into that week...and that gets addressed in the next post.
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