A lot has firmed up in the last couple of months. We've done by this point 19 out of 25 chapters of More Than Two as group discussion, which has led to some hard conversations, but also allowed us all to get a much better idea of where we all are. We've been using a group text messaging app, since cell phone texts commonly get lost, especially in a group setting. We've also all sat down on a few occasions for group voice conversations, using the same app, but those are more dicey, and don't allow for re-read of what was said.
We had been doing the sessions weekly, but Susan realized a few weeks ago that, especially with her up-and-down cycle of emotions, that she was barely getting the chance to breathe after a session before jumping right back into working on the next one. So, now we're doing them every other week instead.
I think some of the problems come from the fact that Trina, especially, has such a different thought process and sense of what's important than Susan or I do. Toby, at least at this point, hasn't had any strong opinions one way or the other...he seems to be along for the ride, more than anything.
One of the major conversations has been about the new house. Oh yeah - we're definitely moving back to Virginia. So, in May, Trina and Susan will meet up down there and spend a week looking at houses. But...just getting to a point of what's acceptable to live in is a pressure point on things. For instance, Trina has lived in shoeboxes essentially their whole life. They like the idea of living with as few possessions as possible.
Contrast that with us, who have, over the years, been attempting, and largely succeeding, at getting better quality furniture, including a pool table, a gaming table, a king size bed, a huge solid wood entertainment center...you get the idea. But that does mean we need extra space. We need space for our computer desks. I like large kitchens, more so since we'll be doubling the amount of people roaming through it.
All of this adds up. And with everything involved, essentially we're looking at 6 bedroom houses, with multiple extra spaces. We did end up having a long voice chat over this last night, finally, but Susan and I aren't really happy that we're essentially forcing a much larger place on Trina, especially, than they'd want otherwise. It doesn't seem like there's any way to give them what they want. Toby did jump in to say that there's really no middle ground to be had, and that helps, but...we do need to figure out what else to do.
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In other news, Susan's had some fairly extreme depressive cycles ever since November. It's possible that one of her medications affected her long-term, even after she was taken off of it, but...dealing with her cycles has put a strain on our relationship. It felt for a while like we were playing whack-a-mole with her fears and anxieties. Every time I thought we'd dealt with one, another two would rear their ugly heads. A few weeks ago, it got to the point where I had to say "enough was enough" for a while. For those who are into gaming, it felt like I was "tanking" both Susan's anxieties, as well as some of Trina's issues with the potential move. I'd finally reached my own wall, where I needed especially Susan to not come to me any more with her shit.
And...that hurts. We've been in this dynamic for almost fifteen years now. We have a problem, we sit and talk it out, and it gets resolved. Except...this wasn't resolving. It was simply hammer blow after hammer blow of fears of me abandoning her, whether physically or emotionally. And, well, that many hammer blows started resulting in cracks. Upon advice of her therapist, she did ask me to, when a subject came up that she felt that, if pursued, would lead to more depression, to let the topic alone and not push.
Of course, that only works so well on my end...and at least a couple of times I misread/ misheard what was being said, and ended up pushing anyways. Our last group conversation, in fact, that happened, and while it was handled okay in the moment, that upwell of emotions ended up with Susan not in the right headspace to read correctly what was said later on, which led to a huge blowup both in chat and afterwards.
Since then, we've mostly repaired the damage that was done that night, but...not completely. Her therapist finally got around to asking if I minded coming in for a couple of couple's sessions. We were actually set up to go together last week, but at the last minute, we got cancelled on due to her therapist's illness. So, today will be our first session together.
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I go to see Trina in late April for a long weekend. The only plans we have firm are to go visit a hot springs in the area...I'm really looking forward to that. I'm also just looking forward to spending time with them in general...their visit in January was nice, but nowhere near long enough for my liking!
That'll likely be the last chance I get to see them before the move to Virginia...after that I'll be in uber-packing mode. And really, I'll be in "must pack" mode even before then, so that I don't get too far behind the curve.
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So yeah, that's where we're at for now. The move is definitely happening, and there's definitely issues to work out between us as a group, and between some of us as individuals. But...I still have hope that once we're all in the same place, it'll ease a lot of the issues that I think are only compounding because the physical presence isn't there.
