Starting about a month and a half or so ago, my wife has been in talks with Ryan in pursuit of a relationship outside the one we have and love. They had met up once halfway between domiciles, had chattered away on IM frequently otherwise, and seemed to be hitting it off well. So a few weeks ago, she set off to his house a couple of hours away for their first true date. It was already established that this was to be a "no-sex" night, just a night to get to know each other.
All three of us expected me to have some issues with the whole thing. I ended up having two. First one: I was bored. Don't get me wrong, I'm normally (read: always) home on Saturday nights, because I really have no local friends at this point in time. Constant shifts in location with the military and my own semi-reclusive lifestyle don't exactly help me gain friends, and while I like some of the people I work with, I don't like them that much.
So while I am normally at home, the key is that I'm home...with Susan. She's there to watch a show with, or to sit in bed and read together with, or to...do other things with. But for the first time in a looooong time, she wasn't there. Now, I'm fine with (well, not fine with, but at least used to) me not being there, due to lots of travel for the military. But I'm not accustomed to being at home, in my sanctuary, without her being there. It wasn't jealousy; I know what that feels like and it wasn't that. It was just a sense of...detachment, I guess. Things weren't normal. They weren't bad, they just weren't what they should be for a Saturday evening. I tried to distract myself with online games, and books, and a bath, and researching recipes for the next day's dinner, and, and, and. Bottom line, I moped. Didn't like that much, but it got better the next weekend when she did the same thing.
Second issue I had: As I said, he lives a couple hours away. She was supposed to let me know when she got there, then after dinner and movie to let me know how much longer she was planning on being, then when she left so I knew that she was alright. (Regular communications thing with us, not related to poly...we let each other know when we're leaving and when we've arrived if we're traveling long distances anywhere.) She sent me a text when she arrived, so yay...then nothing after that. So I texted her. No response. Gave it another half hour, texted again, no response. Gave it another twenty minutes, then called...voicemail. Hmm. Now what?
In the end I did nothing, except hope that she hadn't gotten randomly hooked up with an axe murderer. I figured, if anything, that they were probably necking (or more) and I was being a mood-wrecker. Either that, or her phone was muffled by a pile of clothes in another part of the room. I will say that it didn't really help my mood out at all. She did finally see the texts and missed calls about an hour and a half after that, when she let me know that she was on her way. Turns out she'd silenced her phone for the movie and completely forgot to let me know her plans after, so the phone's sound never got activated after. Crisis averted.
She made it back safely, we talked about the whole thing, and she apologized for worrying me and promised to make sure that I didn't have a reason to worry next time. Yay for communications!
All three of us expected me to have some issues with the whole thing. I ended up having two. First one: I was bored. Don't get me wrong, I'm normally (read: always) home on Saturday nights, because I really have no local friends at this point in time. Constant shifts in location with the military and my own semi-reclusive lifestyle don't exactly help me gain friends, and while I like some of the people I work with, I don't like them that much.
So while I am normally at home, the key is that I'm home...with Susan. She's there to watch a show with, or to sit in bed and read together with, or to...do other things with. But for the first time in a looooong time, she wasn't there. Now, I'm fine with (well, not fine with, but at least used to) me not being there, due to lots of travel for the military. But I'm not accustomed to being at home, in my sanctuary, without her being there. It wasn't jealousy; I know what that feels like and it wasn't that. It was just a sense of...detachment, I guess. Things weren't normal. They weren't bad, they just weren't what they should be for a Saturday evening. I tried to distract myself with online games, and books, and a bath, and researching recipes for the next day's dinner, and, and, and. Bottom line, I moped. Didn't like that much, but it got better the next weekend when she did the same thing.
Second issue I had: As I said, he lives a couple hours away. She was supposed to let me know when she got there, then after dinner and movie to let me know how much longer she was planning on being, then when she left so I knew that she was alright. (Regular communications thing with us, not related to poly...we let each other know when we're leaving and when we've arrived if we're traveling long distances anywhere.) She sent me a text when she arrived, so yay...then nothing after that. So I texted her. No response. Gave it another half hour, texted again, no response. Gave it another twenty minutes, then called...voicemail. Hmm. Now what?
In the end I did nothing, except hope that she hadn't gotten randomly hooked up with an axe murderer. I figured, if anything, that they were probably necking (or more) and I was being a mood-wrecker. Either that, or her phone was muffled by a pile of clothes in another part of the room. I will say that it didn't really help my mood out at all. She did finally see the texts and missed calls about an hour and a half after that, when she let me know that she was on her way. Turns out she'd silenced her phone for the movie and completely forgot to let me know her plans after, so the phone's sound never got activated after. Crisis averted.
She made it back safely, we talked about the whole thing, and she apologized for worrying me and promised to make sure that I didn't have a reason to worry next time. Yay for communications!
