Juggling alone time with young children around is occasionally troublesome, on the whole. In my recent life, the word "occasionally" is defined as "every single bloody time I'm alone with Trina."
Well, to be fair, last weekend we weren't quite alone...we also had Susan in bed with us. We were attempting to have a semi-drunken...cuddle party. Yeah, we'll call it that. Only problem was, while my kids go down to bed relatively easily, her munchkin hates sleep with the unholy passion usually reserved for dieters chasing after a pack of Oreos.
He was left alone downstairs to watch a movie to calm down, and when we went down to check to see if he was becoming sleepy, nope. He had infiltrated the pantry and had an array of snacks and juice boxes all around him...sigh. So that all got cleaned up, and then at the end of the movie, Trina went to collect him with the intention of putting him on the end of our bed, and letting him fall asleep to the show we were watching. Of course, he fought and struggled every step of the way...by the time he passed out and I carried him to the spare mattress, it was already close to 11pm and Trina was out.
I cuddled with Susan for a while, and started playing with her. As we were getting into that, Trina woke behind us, and so it was, for a short time, rather interesting. Susan finished off, and we lay there chatting for a while. Then, it was Trina's turn to receive some attention...and of course, JUST as her shorts come off, her munchkin wakes up and comes in. She's over it, calls it a night, gets dressed and takes him downstairs to the couch to sleep.
Fast forward to last night. Ryan was down visiting Susan, and just generally hanging out. Dinner was done, nothing else was going on, and we were planning to watch Trina's kid later in the evening so she could attend a party with another guy. No big deal; we had a couple of hours still, so I asked if she could give me a massage, since she wanted practice anyways.
Table was set up, we lock the door behind us for privacy, and before I can make it to the table, we start making out. KNOCK, KNOCK...Susan needed something out of our bathroom, mood broken. No worries, there's still plenty of time for the massage, and if we want to do anything after. Except...Susan and Ryan are taking off to go get ice cream, and some essentials from the store.
Now, to be fair, Ryan is normally asleep by 8:30pm, because he has to be up fairly early in the morning. It was about 6pm at this point, so I could kinda get it, especially since they had plans to watch a movie later. But with them gone, it meant that we were the supervising adults for three kids, two of which get into frequent arguments with each other. But a movie was in for them, so I figured it wasn't worth making them wait.
Cue massage. And it went well, she actually does know her stuff, and she liked that she didn't have to drape me with sheets or anything...meant that she could actually reach all the muscles she wanted. No groping on her table, solid rule for her, which I get...forms bad habits.
About ten minutes from the end, and I'm thinking once we're done, maybe we could finish what we started before I hopped up on the table. Which, OF BLOODY COURSE, meant that the kids needed to shriek and yell bloody murder at each other. Mood broken, massage done.
_____
Later in the evening, Trina was off to her party, her kid was sound asleep on the couch, my kids were down, and Ryan was asleep upstairs in our bed (I was being nice, and also watching DVR'd football games). Susan came down to apologize for not realizing that she was potentially screwing up our alone time.
Apparently I am more aware of how my actions affect those around me then I thought...and also more aware than she is of how her actions affect me and others. She's just obliviously moving through her life, and so for now at least, if I see something that might mean a possible misunderstanding or hard feelings come up, I need to tell her beforehand.
I felt better after the talk, but it didn't stop me from being a little hurt over it. I'm bending over backwards to make damn sure whenever Ryan visits that they have enough time to themselves, for whatever they want to do. Granted, Trina and I see each other far more, and Susan does watch her son so that we can go dancing most weeks, but that's not the same. Her apartment is a single bedroom, and while I have gone over there a couple times during the week, by the time her son passes out, it's late enough that I need to leave due to work in the morning. So the one time we have a chance to have other people watching the kids...and she takes off.
It's an issue, but it's one we can work through...and at least she's aware of the consequences of what happened now. After the fact, of course, but aware nonetheless.
______
Edit: Later in the evening after writing this, Trina had come back to our place after dancing, and before we ate I cleared with both Susan and Trina some alone time for Trina and I upstairs.
This didn't exactly go as planned though; once we went into hiding, she expressed an issue over me casually commenting that Susan had said that I should take Trina out on a date at some point. The topic of going out wasn't the problem, it was the word "date"...because the word is important, and she doesn't want me to be a boyfriend, or someone she dates. We can do almost everything a boyfriend or a steady date does apparently, but using either term is a no-no. I hope to eventually find someone who can explain that to me, but for now, whatever.
Not only that, but she also expressed reservations about having sex again. I guess she was indeed truthful, in that she usually wants to have sex with her friends once just to get over the curiosity. Of course, it doesn't stop either of us from playing with each other. But for now, and for the foreseeable future, no Tab A into Slot B.
Issues. They exist. They're manageable, but they exist.
Well, to be fair, last weekend we weren't quite alone...we also had Susan in bed with us. We were attempting to have a semi-drunken...cuddle party. Yeah, we'll call it that. Only problem was, while my kids go down to bed relatively easily, her munchkin hates sleep with the unholy passion usually reserved for dieters chasing after a pack of Oreos.
He was left alone downstairs to watch a movie to calm down, and when we went down to check to see if he was becoming sleepy, nope. He had infiltrated the pantry and had an array of snacks and juice boxes all around him...sigh. So that all got cleaned up, and then at the end of the movie, Trina went to collect him with the intention of putting him on the end of our bed, and letting him fall asleep to the show we were watching. Of course, he fought and struggled every step of the way...by the time he passed out and I carried him to the spare mattress, it was already close to 11pm and Trina was out.
I cuddled with Susan for a while, and started playing with her. As we were getting into that, Trina woke behind us, and so it was, for a short time, rather interesting. Susan finished off, and we lay there chatting for a while. Then, it was Trina's turn to receive some attention...and of course, JUST as her shorts come off, her munchkin wakes up and comes in. She's over it, calls it a night, gets dressed and takes him downstairs to the couch to sleep.
Fast forward to last night. Ryan was down visiting Susan, and just generally hanging out. Dinner was done, nothing else was going on, and we were planning to watch Trina's kid later in the evening so she could attend a party with another guy. No big deal; we had a couple of hours still, so I asked if she could give me a massage, since she wanted practice anyways.
Table was set up, we lock the door behind us for privacy, and before I can make it to the table, we start making out. KNOCK, KNOCK...Susan needed something out of our bathroom, mood broken. No worries, there's still plenty of time for the massage, and if we want to do anything after. Except...Susan and Ryan are taking off to go get ice cream, and some essentials from the store.
Now, to be fair, Ryan is normally asleep by 8:30pm, because he has to be up fairly early in the morning. It was about 6pm at this point, so I could kinda get it, especially since they had plans to watch a movie later. But with them gone, it meant that we were the supervising adults for three kids, two of which get into frequent arguments with each other. But a movie was in for them, so I figured it wasn't worth making them wait.
Cue massage. And it went well, she actually does know her stuff, and she liked that she didn't have to drape me with sheets or anything...meant that she could actually reach all the muscles she wanted. No groping on her table, solid rule for her, which I get...forms bad habits.
About ten minutes from the end, and I'm thinking once we're done, maybe we could finish what we started before I hopped up on the table. Which, OF BLOODY COURSE, meant that the kids needed to shriek and yell bloody murder at each other. Mood broken, massage done.
_____
Later in the evening, Trina was off to her party, her kid was sound asleep on the couch, my kids were down, and Ryan was asleep upstairs in our bed (I was being nice, and also watching DVR'd football games). Susan came down to apologize for not realizing that she was potentially screwing up our alone time.
Apparently I am more aware of how my actions affect those around me then I thought...and also more aware than she is of how her actions affect me and others. She's just obliviously moving through her life, and so for now at least, if I see something that might mean a possible misunderstanding or hard feelings come up, I need to tell her beforehand.
I felt better after the talk, but it didn't stop me from being a little hurt over it. I'm bending over backwards to make damn sure whenever Ryan visits that they have enough time to themselves, for whatever they want to do. Granted, Trina and I see each other far more, and Susan does watch her son so that we can go dancing most weeks, but that's not the same. Her apartment is a single bedroom, and while I have gone over there a couple times during the week, by the time her son passes out, it's late enough that I need to leave due to work in the morning. So the one time we have a chance to have other people watching the kids...and she takes off.
It's an issue, but it's one we can work through...and at least she's aware of the consequences of what happened now. After the fact, of course, but aware nonetheless.
______
Edit: Later in the evening after writing this, Trina had come back to our place after dancing, and before we ate I cleared with both Susan and Trina some alone time for Trina and I upstairs.
This didn't exactly go as planned though; once we went into hiding, she expressed an issue over me casually commenting that Susan had said that I should take Trina out on a date at some point. The topic of going out wasn't the problem, it was the word "date"...because the word is important, and she doesn't want me to be a boyfriend, or someone she dates. We can do almost everything a boyfriend or a steady date does apparently, but using either term is a no-no. I hope to eventually find someone who can explain that to me, but for now, whatever.
Not only that, but she also expressed reservations about having sex again. I guess she was indeed truthful, in that she usually wants to have sex with her friends once just to get over the curiosity. Of course, it doesn't stop either of us from playing with each other. But for now, and for the foreseeable future, no Tab A into Slot B.
Issues. They exist. They're manageable, but they exist.
