Earlier in the week, I had asked Susan if Ryan wanted to come over to our place tonight, and have basically a second evening of cuddles. I bowl on Fridays, at least for another few weeks, and this would have been a perfect chance to get a bit extra time together before going back up to his place for all of Saturday.
He declined, since he was already planning on coming down next Saturday for dinner and gaming. Which makes sense; and he can come a night early then and all will be well. Then he ran into a hiccup in plans...he remembered that a close family member of his is having a birthday party that weekend.
He then asked if Susan wanted to come out and meet his family, knowing that he hadn't come out as poly to them yet. She's not comfortable taking off her wedding ring (and the mark on the finger would be evident anyway), and she's a horrible liar.
She's already had issues with her own family about how we met and she became married to me. Susan had previously been married to another military guy, who her family all liked very much. The problem was that their marriage was already heading south when she met me, and I got to see firsthand some of the shit he pulled on her. Manipulation, head games, verbal abuse, all were a part of the deal. I had originally been very guilt-ridden about what I saw as poaching, since we met while he was deployed. Until I saw some of his emails back to her, that is. I still felt bad, but nowhere near as much after that.
To make a long story short, another year or so later, and he was gone and we were together. I did give them space to try and repair things (she wasn't the only one who cheated in their relationship), but in the end it was doomed to failure. She faced a serious backlash from her family, and I still feel a bit of an outcast every time I have to deal with them. To be fair, I don't like most of her family either, for the way they treat her, but hey.
Looking at Susan and Ryan's situation from the outside, I mentioned to her that I would not feel comfortable, if the situation was reversed, in both coming out as poly with my current love interest at my side, to people I was unsure how they would take it. My advice was to stay away from the family until he got a chance to talk to them on his own, and for him to take the brunt of any backlash from them by himself. That way, if they are fine with it, okay; if not, then at least she doesn't get painted with the scarlet letter. It's not very fair, I realize, but if I was in his shoes, that is how I'd want to handle it.
Besides, it's someone else's birthday. Why bring up possible drama to ruin someone else's day?
He declined, since he was already planning on coming down next Saturday for dinner and gaming. Which makes sense; and he can come a night early then and all will be well. Then he ran into a hiccup in plans...he remembered that a close family member of his is having a birthday party that weekend.
He then asked if Susan wanted to come out and meet his family, knowing that he hadn't come out as poly to them yet. She's not comfortable taking off her wedding ring (and the mark on the finger would be evident anyway), and she's a horrible liar.
She's already had issues with her own family about how we met and she became married to me. Susan had previously been married to another military guy, who her family all liked very much. The problem was that their marriage was already heading south when she met me, and I got to see firsthand some of the shit he pulled on her. Manipulation, head games, verbal abuse, all were a part of the deal. I had originally been very guilt-ridden about what I saw as poaching, since we met while he was deployed. Until I saw some of his emails back to her, that is. I still felt bad, but nowhere near as much after that.
To make a long story short, another year or so later, and he was gone and we were together. I did give them space to try and repair things (she wasn't the only one who cheated in their relationship), but in the end it was doomed to failure. She faced a serious backlash from her family, and I still feel a bit of an outcast every time I have to deal with them. To be fair, I don't like most of her family either, for the way they treat her, but hey.
Looking at Susan and Ryan's situation from the outside, I mentioned to her that I would not feel comfortable, if the situation was reversed, in both coming out as poly with my current love interest at my side, to people I was unsure how they would take it. My advice was to stay away from the family until he got a chance to talk to them on his own, and for him to take the brunt of any backlash from them by himself. That way, if they are fine with it, okay; if not, then at least she doesn't get painted with the scarlet letter. It's not very fair, I realize, but if I was in his shoes, that is how I'd want to handle it.
Besides, it's someone else's birthday. Why bring up possible drama to ruin someone else's day?
