Trina and I haven't seen each other in almost two weeks. Susan was down hard with a migraine, and I didn't feel it was fair to leave the kids, including Trina's rambunctious munchkin, with her for it. We'd just come back from the poly pool party up north, and so we'd already had a busy weekend. It was a good day all around to chill.
She was busy up until late week, when she made a trip up to her hometown with some friends...so that knocked out all of last weekend. We've texted a few times since, a couple just kinda laid back, and a couple with more depth due to some stuff going on with her life. We're going to meet up today, with all the kids in tow, to go visit a park and let them blow off steam, but for the first time ever, if she called and said that she had to cancel, I really wouldn't mind.
I'm an introvert by nature...I need a LOT of alone time. I don't like being around people in general. Persons are good, people blow. Which does put a crimp in my ability to find dates, understood. It doesn't help that it actually feels like fall finally here, and yesterday was a fairly blustery day. Today's sunnier, but clouds are still there, it's still chilly, and it's a good day for me to stay inside and do fuck all.
I am wondering, though, how much of it is realizing that Trina will only ever be friends with me. I'm perfectly fine with knowing that, and I like having someone I can chat with, but the conversation she had with me almost a month ago, where she said that she didn't know if we'd ever have sex again, is finally starting to sink in. I don't blame her, it's not like she was untruthful at all...it just feels like a shift in my own mind.
It also makes me feel like an ass. I did offer to just hang out when we met; I did tell her throughout that if she didn't want to have sex, that was fine; I didn't initiate our first encounter...well, kinda. I'll just say that I responded and up the ante. But the whole time, I was hoping that she'd even with her foibles about "dating", that she'd want that FWB connection.
It's the whole "nice guy" syndrome, and the only solace I take is that I only had a mild case of it. Yeah, I was hoping, but when asked, I was pretty honest with what I wanted, and what I felt. And that hasn't changed. All I can do is keep on top of that mindset, and make sure it doesn't rear its ugly head worse than it already has.
She was busy up until late week, when she made a trip up to her hometown with some friends...so that knocked out all of last weekend. We've texted a few times since, a couple just kinda laid back, and a couple with more depth due to some stuff going on with her life. We're going to meet up today, with all the kids in tow, to go visit a park and let them blow off steam, but for the first time ever, if she called and said that she had to cancel, I really wouldn't mind.
I'm an introvert by nature...I need a LOT of alone time. I don't like being around people in general. Persons are good, people blow. Which does put a crimp in my ability to find dates, understood. It doesn't help that it actually feels like fall finally here, and yesterday was a fairly blustery day. Today's sunnier, but clouds are still there, it's still chilly, and it's a good day for me to stay inside and do fuck all.
I am wondering, though, how much of it is realizing that Trina will only ever be friends with me. I'm perfectly fine with knowing that, and I like having someone I can chat with, but the conversation she had with me almost a month ago, where she said that she didn't know if we'd ever have sex again, is finally starting to sink in. I don't blame her, it's not like she was untruthful at all...it just feels like a shift in my own mind.
It also makes me feel like an ass. I did offer to just hang out when we met; I did tell her throughout that if she didn't want to have sex, that was fine; I didn't initiate our first encounter...well, kinda. I'll just say that I responded and up the ante. But the whole time, I was hoping that she'd even with her foibles about "dating", that she'd want that FWB connection.
It's the whole "nice guy" syndrome, and the only solace I take is that I only had a mild case of it. Yeah, I was hoping, but when asked, I was pretty honest with what I wanted, and what I felt. And that hasn't changed. All I can do is keep on top of that mindset, and make sure it doesn't rear its ugly head worse than it already has.
