The topic of finances came up last night, after I came home from a localish coffee shop. Last year, we were able to save a fair bit of money (for us, anyways), and while we splurged from time to time with some of that money, it was never really a big deal. This year, we added on an allowance for our older daughter (don't worry, the youngling gets hers starting in 2015, when she'll be old enough for a chore list of her own.) I also added on weekly bowling sessions in the spring and summer, and that showed me how close to the line we really were. I elected to stop bowling after the season was over so that we could have that amount back in our finances.
Then, Susan met Ryan, and considering the distance, she's done far more driving on the weekends overall than he has. At first, I attributed it to a combination of a desire for her to get out of the house (completely understandable) as well as a mix of life events on his part, which has also been true. His long time roommates gave him a harsh deadline to hit the road so that they could use his room to foster kids...not because they like kids, necessarily, but because they can fit two kids in there and get well over $1,000 from the state to do so. I'll refrain from commenting on my thoughts on that, but in the end it meant that there were a few weeks where he was apartment hunting, or packing, or moving, or whatever. Then there's his local poly group's meetings, which are on Saturdays once a month, which both of them like to attend, then his family member had a birthday, then then then then.
Earlier this week, Susan told Ryan that she couldn't really afford to come up, and Ryan offered to pay her gas money for the trip...and she felt squeamish about it. She has her own childhood reasons for it, but it meant that there was a choice of accepting money or not going. I tried convincing her to let him pay half, and she admitted that it was a good compromise, but it still didn't sit right with her.
Fast forward to last night, where we started talking about needing to cut out part of our cable, at least, in order to make ends meet. In the middle of a review of where we were financially, it came out that Ryan doesn't really like coming down here, because it feels like he's interrupting...something, I'm not sure. Also something about not feeling like he has enough time with her alone...which I can kind of see. After all, if she goes up there, he's got about 24 hours of uninterrupted time with her, while down here the kids are roaming around, I'm here, etc., and it throws him off.
As soon as I found that out, my perception shifted. If he's not willing to come down here more often, then hell yeah, let him pay for more of the gas. It's especially important considering that starting in January, Navy pay rules mean that I'll be taking a pay cut for the first five months of the year (long story, not going to go into details here) of probably a couple hundred bucks a month. It adds up.
The easy solution would be for Susan to find a job. It would solve a couple of issues, like her lack of social activity as well as our money problems, but would mean that we would need to find non-regular childcare for our youngling at least in the rather frequent "vacation" periods of year round schooling we have. It also means that we'd have to have someone able to pick her up from school even when she is occupied during the day.
What makes it harder is not only that she hasn't worked in more than nine years, but also that she has a mild cognitive disability, which affects short term memory. She has to have a job that has a set routine, otherwise she runs into all sorts of complications. The one time she tried working after our older daughter was born, she ran into just such a job, where she lasted two days (though I blame the company for not giving her a longer chance...after all, it's not every day that a bloody hurricane shows up in the neighborhood...)
I'm hoping she can pick something up by the new year; it'd be nice for us to build something up for a change.
Then, Susan met Ryan, and considering the distance, she's done far more driving on the weekends overall than he has. At first, I attributed it to a combination of a desire for her to get out of the house (completely understandable) as well as a mix of life events on his part, which has also been true. His long time roommates gave him a harsh deadline to hit the road so that they could use his room to foster kids...not because they like kids, necessarily, but because they can fit two kids in there and get well over $1,000 from the state to do so. I'll refrain from commenting on my thoughts on that, but in the end it meant that there were a few weeks where he was apartment hunting, or packing, or moving, or whatever. Then there's his local poly group's meetings, which are on Saturdays once a month, which both of them like to attend, then his family member had a birthday, then then then then.
Earlier this week, Susan told Ryan that she couldn't really afford to come up, and Ryan offered to pay her gas money for the trip...and she felt squeamish about it. She has her own childhood reasons for it, but it meant that there was a choice of accepting money or not going. I tried convincing her to let him pay half, and she admitted that it was a good compromise, but it still didn't sit right with her.
Fast forward to last night, where we started talking about needing to cut out part of our cable, at least, in order to make ends meet. In the middle of a review of where we were financially, it came out that Ryan doesn't really like coming down here, because it feels like he's interrupting...something, I'm not sure. Also something about not feeling like he has enough time with her alone...which I can kind of see. After all, if she goes up there, he's got about 24 hours of uninterrupted time with her, while down here the kids are roaming around, I'm here, etc., and it throws him off.
As soon as I found that out, my perception shifted. If he's not willing to come down here more often, then hell yeah, let him pay for more of the gas. It's especially important considering that starting in January, Navy pay rules mean that I'll be taking a pay cut for the first five months of the year (long story, not going to go into details here) of probably a couple hundred bucks a month. It adds up.
The easy solution would be for Susan to find a job. It would solve a couple of issues, like her lack of social activity as well as our money problems, but would mean that we would need to find non-regular childcare for our youngling at least in the rather frequent "vacation" periods of year round schooling we have. It also means that we'd have to have someone able to pick her up from school even when she is occupied during the day.
What makes it harder is not only that she hasn't worked in more than nine years, but also that she has a mild cognitive disability, which affects short term memory. She has to have a job that has a set routine, otherwise she runs into all sorts of complications. The one time she tried working after our older daughter was born, she ran into just such a job, where she lasted two days (though I blame the company for not giving her a longer chance...after all, it's not every day that a bloody hurricane shows up in the neighborhood...)
I'm hoping she can pick something up by the new year; it'd be nice for us to build something up for a change.
